On Being Pagan
My mother still relates the story of how, as a six-year-old, I decided I wanted to go to Sunday school. Apparently I justified this to my agnostic family by saying, “I want to hear what the other side has to say.”
I didn’t last long in Sunday school.
When I was about nineteen, a friend encouraged me to read The Spiral Dance, by a feminist author with the unusual name of Starhawk. I devoured the book in one sitting, reading about this fascinating system of beliefs which fell under the umbrella term of Paganism. I had never really heard the word before, but it suddenly hit me.
This is what I am.
For the first time, I had a definition for everything I believed. Not only that, but apparently there were other people – a lot of other people -- out there who believed the same principles. And all this time, I had thought I was just eccentric!
I have never hidden who I was. Granted, I don’t run around wearing a pentacle the size of a steering wheel, and yelling “Goddess bless you!” whenever someone sneezes, but when asked what I believed, I have always been truthful.
I am now raising three children of my own, and because I am openly Pagan, often people ask me, “What do you tell your kids when they ask what you believe?”
I don’t want my kids to feel a need to hide what we are. I want them to feel comfortable with the beliefs I instill in them. I don’t want them to feel the need to lie when someone asks what church they attend.
And so I tell my kids the truth.
However, the fact that other parents ask this makes me realize that many Pagans (and I use the term to encompass all branches of Paganism, from Wiccans to witches to ceremonial mages) are not including their children in their belief system. Magick and spellwork are done while the kids are at school, or after they go to bed, but never in front of them, and certainly not with them.
Maybe it’s because as Pagans, we don’t really know how to include our kids. After all, there’s no manual to follow, no little instruction book on how to teach children about beliefs. There’s no Pagan version of Sunday school, where our young ones can gather together and color pictures of the gods, singing “Isis loves me, this I know,” or play with Cernunnos and Hathor on a felt board. Or maybe it’s because our religious beliefs are still in the minority, and some folks are scared that their children might be persecuted.
It’s my hope that this article will open a few doors for modern Pagan parents, whether you have been one all your life or have just recently found your way to the Pagan path. If you’re not Pagan, I hope that by reading this, you will learn that Pagans want the same thing for their kids as people of other religions want for theirs. We want our children to respect others, we want them to believe in themselves, and we want them to make a difference some day.
After all, our kids hold the key to not only their own futures, but ours as well.
Mommy? Can I Color in Your Book of Shadows?
Alright, so you’ve taken the plunge and decided to include the wee ones in your spirituality. Great. Now what?
Depending on the age of your children, there are all kinds of cool things you can do to involve them in Paganism. Personalize these activities to make them applicable to your own family’s path.
My family is big on hands-on projects, and it’s not uncommon to see me outside with my children, gathering acorns, sticks, rocks and other doodads. We then bring them inside, get out the hot glue gun and some ribbon, and assemble the whole pile into some sort of centerpiece for the table.
Yarn, scraps of felt, Popsicle sticks and pretty leaves are always fair game for some kind of craft project in our house as well. After all, what’s the point of being Pagan if your family can’t have fun doing it?
Young children love to make noise, so why not make coffee-can drums and let them bang away, or teach them songs and chanting? Create coloring pages, or download some from the Internet, which feature Pagan or nature-based themes.
Children emulate what they see, so if your child observes you doing spellwork, he likely will want to do the same. Make wands out of sticks or stitch up a kid-sized cloak.
One morning after observing me flipping through my Tarot deck, my two youngest children got out a set of flash cards. They took turns peeking at cards and deciding what each one meant. Apparently a pair of hippos means it’s a good day, and three goldfish indicates a need to go eat lunch. Regardless, they were copying what they saw me doing.
Let preschoolers create their own Book of Shadows. Staple together some blank paper, decorate a cardboard cover, and let them scribble away. If they’ve colored some neat pictures lately, tape them in there, or go collect some colorful herbs or flowers to press between the pages (make sure you only use non-poisonous plants).
If a Sabbat is upcoming, have them help you decorate. Make corn dollies together for Lughnasadh, or build a small outdoor altar in the back yard to celebrate Litha.
Older children, simply by virtue of development, can do a lot more. Encourage grade-schoolers to participate in preparation for holiday celebrations. An eight- or nine-year-old can easily help plan a Sabbat feast. If your family follows a particular pantheon, ask your child to learn some myths and legends to share after dinner some night.
Adolescents and teens can usually sit still long enough to participate in spellwork or other rituals, and they tend to contribute a fabulous amount of energy to workings. Give your teenager a specific responsibility during workings, such as lighting the candles or handing you ritual ingredients as needed.
Celebrate Summer with Your Kids!
When Midsummer rolls around, it’s a great time to celebrate Sabbats with your children – after all, the sun stays up longer, so your kids can too.
Ask your kids to help set up a family altar, complete with flowers. Be sure to add lots of sun symbols as well. Have a barbeque or bonfire, and place out bowls of strawberries, watermelons, and other bright summery foods!
A great activity, since the Wheel of the Year is turning once more, is to place things on the altar that we are saying goodbye to. If you have a child who has potty-trained recently, put a bag of pull-ups up there, or a baby bottle for a child who has learned to drink from a sippy cup. Older kids can put last year’s school books up there, or clothes they’ve outgrown. Even grownups can add bad habits they’re banishing – now’s as good a time as ever to put that pack of Marlboros to rest for good.
Set up a celestial piñata, filled with goodies, for the kids to smash. Little ones can make paper-plate sunflowers with some glue and a few pieces of black and yellow construction paper. Have children decorate cupcakes with sunny yellow frosting.
Pre-teens are just the right age to set up a mock battle between the Oak King and the Holly King, or to re-enact myths and legends of ancient times. Have a sing-along beside your campfire, or teach your family and friends a new dance to celebrate the sun.
Once the Solstice has rolled past, and the days begin to get shorter, the Wheel turns again. Lammas takes place before the kids have to go back to school, so take advantage of it and use it as a teaching tool.
Decorate your altar and your home with symbols of the early harvest, such as apples, grapes, grain and berries. Honeybees are busiest at this time of year, so if you have a hive in your yard, encourage the kids to watch the activity from a safe distance!
Celebrate Lammas with games, in honor of Lugh, the skilled craftsman. There’s no better way to break up a hot summer than setting up a picnic with some backyard volleyball, Frisbee tosses, a game of freeze-tag, or a family tug-of-war. Invite friends, and award silly prizes to the winners. If August is really hot in your area, cool things down with a big water-balloon fight.
Lammas is a good time to look ahead, rather than worrying about the past, so invite everyone to share their goals for the upcoming year. Even small children can participate – this could be the year that your son learns to tie his shoes all by himself!
Prepare a harvest feast, and get your kids in the kitchen. Hand them chunks of bread dough, and let them make little loaf-men for your celebration. Roast some corn on the cob, and save the husks to make corn dollies with later on.
Putting it all Together
I always tell people that one of the best things about being Pagan is that I get to celebrate a holiday every six weeks. Besides those eight Sabbats, though, I try to incorporate my beliefs into my day to day activities with my family. Even if it’s something as small as taking my kids outside to dance in the moonlight, or keeping a clean space on my kitchen counter for ritual tools, or digging in the garden and appreciating the smell of fresh herbs… all of those are simple things that bring me closer to my spirituality. By sharing them with my children, I can help them to learn, simply by observing, what it is that I value and believe.
How do you teach your kids about being Pagan? It’s simple – just allow them to watch you, and they will learn by your example. Keep your spiritual path – whatever it may be – as a part of your everyday life, and soon it will be second nature for your children.
And if you’re really lucky, not only will they learn from you, but you will learn from them as well. Use your spirituality as a background for encouraging your kids that they can believe in magic, in faeries, in dragons and all the other things that people will try to say do not exist. If they believe that they can fly, they will be fearless when the time comes to spread their wings.
Recommended Reading for Pagan Parents
Madden, Kristin, Pagan Parenting. Madden’s book focuses on the spiritual development of children from time spent in utero onward. Learn to encourage your children’s psychic and magickal abilities, as well as teach your young ones rituals and meditation skills.
Serith, Ceisiwr, The Pagan Family. Although this book is currently out of print, it pops up a lot on used-book lists, so it’s occasionally available, and well worth hunting for. Serith discusses blending child rearing with non-mainstream religions. There are some great ideas in here to help make your spirituality part of your day-to-day family life.
Starhawk, Circle Round: Raising Children in Goddess Traditions. This book embraces the Wheel of Life, and offers some excellent ideas for incorporating Pagan beliefs into a modern family unit. Starhawk includes great ideas for each of the Sabbats, ways to celebrate different milestones in life, and fun and easy crafts and recipes to do with kids.
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